“I truly believe the verse Jeremiah 29:11.
“For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord. Plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope.”
I didn’t always feel this way, but I believe always that even as a young girl God the Father implanted the verse deep in my heart.”
When I was born my biological mother left me in the hospital. My aunt and uncle not being able to have children decided to raise me as their own. I do have loving memories of my time with them but they were very broken hurting people and unfortunately most of my memories were not very loving ones. My uncle was a very angry man and both he and my aunt had serious drug problems. One of the earliest memories I can recall is of my uncle beating my aunt with furniture and while she was passed out just crying because he couldn’t believe how far he had gone. It only escalated from there. He would threaten to beat us and make us watch him beat her all night using hammers and other objects and then we would go to school with no food or sleep. Our home was very dirty and there was always blood somewhere because of the abuse.
I had a love hate relationship with coming home after school. My uncle would be gone sometimes so I felt safer but my aunt was almost always was passed out on the floor. I never knew if she was alive or not. I remember calling my grandfather and sobbing not knowing what to do. My grandfather would say “just let her sleep it off”. At that point I realized I had to be the adult in the family. I knew no other way of living, I had no self worth and I wouldn’t have believed it if someone had said I deserved better. I just figured I got the life you were born in to and that was the only life I could have. So I built walls to protect myself to survive whatever abuse I had to endure. Eventually I grew numb. I never cried. I only yelled and abused whoever or whatever I felt threatened by.
He Began A Good Work
One night, at the age of thirteen my mom and dad got high in the bathroom. So, as an escape I decided to walk the streets of Bryan. I remember asking myself, “is this the life I was meant for?” I could see other people’s lives and I quietly asked God, “Why can’t I have that life?” a life of security love and consistency, a life that ultimately only God could offer. I just didn’t know that yet. God was working quietly from that point on; in ways that I could only later recognize. I bounced around from home to home and did lots of things that I later came to regret. But still, somehow despite all the bad things in my life I could not control as a child, the Lord was present.
The Moment It All Came Together
It’s funny; I never went to S.O.S to get filled up. It was just the cool thing to do. Actually, the first time I went to S.O.S. I was seven, and my sister had to drag me around. S.O.S. was a safe haven for me but I didn’t understand the impact or importance of the time I spent there as a little girl. It wasn’t until years later after all of my housing options ran out that I found myself in a worship service at a children’s home that was completely foreign to me. A certain song resonated with me and the experience of watching everyone else freely worship the Lord lit a spark. I knew then that the life I had dreamed of was freely available to me.
These truths that God was Love, Security, and Consistency HAD made their way into my heart because of the work of Christ through S.O.S.
These truths that God was Love, Security, and Consistency HAD made their way into my heart because of the work of Christ through S.O.S. Even after that experience it took a fateful weekend in Juvenile detention to solidify in my heart a hope that I didn’t see in others around me. I knew things were going to be different. I had been going to S.O.S as a time filler, a passive participant, but now as a young woman I made a choice and took action.
No longer was I a victim of others’ choices for me. I took control of my time and influences.
God reserved a family for me at S.O.S, and a mentor in Carmen. She taught me how to be a lady and has been a true mother to me. I am so grateful for her faithfulness and Gods Faithfulness through her. Through the influence of many, many Christian friends, pastors and mentors; I have grown into the type of woman who loves the Lord and seeks to grow daily. With the power of the Holy Spirit I can provide a legacy of hope and love, and purpose that is powerful. The life that I thought would never get better is now a completely different life all together, a great life. I have a husband that loves the Lord and loves me. He also has a love for music and to worship, so we worship God together! We can now give someone the hope God gave me through our ministry of leading worship. We have a very handsome fifteen month old and another baby on the way. God has blessed my life so much and continues to bless me. I treasure every moment!