Stories

At the age of 3 I lived on the army base in Fort Hood. My Dad was very physically abusive, then began to sexual abuse me. I was often left naked, cold, frightened and hugging my pillow in pain, then my father would appear in clown masks and say that if I told he would kill my mom. He said “no one would believe such an ugly nasty little girl.”

Growing up as a child my environment consisted of me witnessing my family members partying, drinking and using drugs. That environment was normal to me. Being a first-hand witness to that lifestyle, I never imagined that I would follow down that same party path as an adult. I see it now as a slow path to destruction.

I truly believe the verse Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord. Plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope.” I didn’t always feel this way, but I believe always that even as a young girl God the Father implanted the verse deep in my heart.

I was painfully rejected from the start. My dad gave my mom an ultimatum: abortion or divorce.

I once read these words: “If you don’t know my pain, you will never understand my praise.” I was brought into this world by two drug addict parents, my mother abandoned me at 3 months old, and my father was in and out of my life.

“I was becoming exactly what I hated the most.” I remember thinking these exact words as I was sitting in a jail cell in 1998, shaking from an addiction to cocaine.